About

I am in a place I consider between.

For most of my life, I have simply been who I am and have infrequently reflected on where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. Self-reflection is a regular habit of mine, but I have become almost constantly aware of how much I have changed.

So much has changed so quickly that it is clear to me that I am not who I was.

At the same time, so much of who I am is unknown to me. I’ve lost a sense of identity over the years, giving of myself, compromising my boundaries, and allowing external forces to mold my life to the point that I don’t have a strong sense of who I am, what my passions and preferences are.

And so I feel that I am in a kind of limbo; not who I was, yet unsure of who I am. Therefore who I am is some future version of me, one that has completed the leg of the journey I am currently on who has the knowledge I seek.

I have likes and dislikes to uncover, beliefs to challenge, influences of past experiences to evaluate, habits to build, patterns to break.

And as I discover what I do not yet know, I will realize who I am.

But I am not her, not yet.

I am between.

If I were a tiny person reading a book, I’d be walking along the blank page between the previous chapter and the next one, mulling over what I’ve read so far, curious about what comes next.

In that space, the possibilities of how the story will unfold are limitless.

I’ve been living between for some time now, about a year and a half at this point. It is an interesting place to be. Sometimes I am confused. Other times I am in awe, and I feel like a child learning about the world and herself for the first time.

The longer I am here, the more aware I am of how little I know, of myself, of those around me, of my community, of the world. And my curiosity grows. And I want to capture what I learn, to explore the parts that are unknown to me, to cast one unique perspective on things that maybe everyone knows or no one knows at all.

The possibilities for me are also limitless, as whimsical as that sounds. As I discover and explore, the very thing which I seek will morph and take form into something new with every discovery. A bit paradoxical, but not so much that I can’t live with it.

And so the journey continues.